I have had more than one 'gay' encounter, not taking into account my buddy and me back in junior high. In both cases it led to bottoming with full penetration. The first case was with my History teacher in high school. I went to his home to help him grade papers and he showed me some pictures of him when he was in the NAVY. Some were nudes. He told me it was the best experience, taught him that he wanted to work around men. One of the pictures had him holding another sailor's penis while the other sailor held his. He laughed and said there was a lot of kidding around. But that picture excited me and he said I could keep it if I liked it. As he gave me the picture he used his other hand to grab me and ask me if it felt good. He told me I could grab him if that made me feel better. Soon we were holding the same pose as in the picture. Telling me not to be scared he kissed me on the mouth and after this and that and taking off our clothes we finished with in in a full mounting, with complete penetration.
Two weeks later he was killed in a one car rollover. I still have the picture he gave me.
My second encounter was in college. I was a sophomore in Biology lab and the guy who was pared with me was a lot older. He was going to college on the GI Bill after serving eight years in the Army. He was forward and pushed the relationship and asked me to come over to his apartment. It was fully furnished, unlike college kid apartments. On the side table in the entrance was an 8X10 picture of himself. In his bedroom, he gave me a tour, was an 8X10 picture of him naked holding an oar. He said he had it taken in Italy when he was on leave. Again a picture and my inability to let it go, staring at his his penis. He noticed and let me hold the picture before putting it down and asked me whether I had ever thought about having a picture like that done. And then, he unzipped his pants and tool his penis out, and held the picture by it and asked me if his penis was more handsome now, or then when the picture was taken.
Don't be scared and he took my hand to grab his penis. He laughed and told me he thought I liked that. Believe me their is nothing wrong with it, and with that he lowered his pants to the floor and asked me to jerk him off so I could see how hard he got. With his penis in an erection he told me to make an O with my mouth and to show him how good a queer boy I was. I sucked him, I think instinctively. I ended up with him on top of me on the bed helping me get my pants off and sucking my penis. Then he came back up and started to kiss me and told me to show him just how queer I was. We ended up in a complete penetration. As he completed himself in me he told me I was going to be his best friend.
I dropped the lab and avoided him completely. Another situation arose and one of my second cousins found herself in financial difficulty and my mother told me I had to marry her and take her in, I couldn't leave her on the street. She was a 'little crazy' and I had to really become dominant with her to bring her to heel. My mother told me to get her pregnant, that usually brings a strong willed girl around, not to let her off the hook. Don't do her housework for her, don't let her get away with anything. She was my wife and it was her responsibility for the home and to have the children. It sent me down a totally different track, I had push to graduate early so I could get to work. She had two children and it took her ten years to accept the yoke. She is submissive now, although she jokes about how I enslaved her.
This marriage has required a lot of work, both to manage the marriage and to support it. I have had fantasies over the years, and came close once in Honk Kong to go up to a room with a man I met at the bar. But I resisted. Lately, really starting during 2020 I have become addicted to gay porn. I love penetration videos, and much prefer men my age to college age. I have no attraction to obvious model types. I slow motion a penetration video, always identifying with the bottom.
I know I have gay tendencies and enjoy gay porn. My memories of the two encounters I described above are pleasant. I enjoyed receiving, having a man on top. But am I gay or am I just a guy who liked gay sex?
