Today's young woman can't get this around her mind. That I would have asked a man to marry me because I could not deal with the shunning of being single. That I was aware that my problem was my dirty secret of wanting to be with a woman. That I chose a man of mixed race, half Mexican by father. In Mexico his father had done well marrying a white girl, but his mother had never been able to live down the man she married with her family.
He had been in the service, had served overseas in the Air Force, and after his discharge was in auto accident that delayed even further his ability to go to college. He graduated at 28 instead of 21 like I did. It happened at a lunch one day when we were sharing dirty secrets. I told him I had, didn't admit to continuing, I had in college eaten out a girl. He told me that when he was overseas he had learned all about whores that serviced the airmen. Big deal, right. A whore. But thinking about it later the idea that a woman has to be a whore got to me. I did not like that he had done that.
I asked him later, in a quiet moment, if he had ever wanted to get married. He asked me the same question, and I said yes, being single for a woman really sucked. He asked me if 'sucked' meant I 'sucked'. I told him I never 'sucked', hadn't I told him I 'ate' pussy? This conversation went around and around and I just came out and told him that he needed to marry me, I wasn't a whore, but I could cook. And boy I needed a husband to get my family off my back. And I would 'try', but if I needed a whore or a girlfriend, then he had my permission. In my mind I thought to myself, please not let it be a whore. By then I had really developed this thing about a whore, the idea of a man paying you to let him fuck you just didn't sit with me. But here I was offering a man to fuck me, to marry me, how was that different. I was whoring myself.
We eloped and kept it a secret for a long time. During that time he had tried me out and it had been a failure. I told him he needed a girlfriend, and emphasized a 'girlfriend', a girl that liked him. Not one for hire. No whores, please. Well, he didn't find a girlfriend, so he used me instead. He told me that fucking me was like fucking a whore, no emotional involvement. That hurt in ways that I can't enumerate. I tried, I really did try, I didn't pull back but it just didn't work for me. It got worse when I met this girl and that same afternoon I kissed her. She was receptive and she sat on the server in the computer room and I ate her. I went home with the smell of her pussy on my face.
It was a disaster. Then I found out I was pregnant. Then my girlfriend from work got excited I was pregnant and wanted to spend every spare minute with me. He didn't have a girlfriend, I did. I showed him that I ate pussy. She sat on the sofa with her legs open, and I got down between her legs and ate her. So he could see that I ate pussy.
see, I was a 'fucking lesbian' and he couldn't just keep fucking me. He did anyway.
My husband never found a girlfriend, never got a whore. He fucked me. And he fucked me. And he fucked me. And he fucked me. And he fucked me. I had a baby, I had a second baby. I stayed home. I cooked and cleaned like a housewife. I took the kids to swim team. I did school drop off and pickup. And he worked and came home for dinner and then he fucked me. My husband travels a lot now and he comes home from being a week away from home and he fucks me until he can't fuck me anymore. Then I lay there wide awake, while he goes off to lala land. The man can't keep his hands off.
I don't have a girlfriend because I don't have the time to be with one. Between the house, the kids and my husband I don't have time for a girlfriend.
