When I came out to my family there was a lot of mixed reactions. I have an aunt, actually a first cousin of my mother's, who said I wouldn't have to put up the passions of a man. I could make love, let my body be my guide, enjoy the company of a woman. I understood the last part, but not the part of about the passions of a man.
Life goes on, I finish college, I go live with my then girlfriend to Albuquerque, and she wants to move on, and dumps me. It was sudden, unexpected, no warning. I woke up outside, on the side of the road, no means of support, no money. I had no choice, at 24 I had to return home. My mother did not agree with my aunt, now I had a chance to get my life back in order, find a man. To her she said MAN. A real MAN who could put me in my place.
I got a part time job. This man comes in looking for something different for his wife. I ask him a lot of questions about her and he comments that I have a gift about women. I volunteer that I am lesbian, so that helps. He says, I need a man, the lesbian shit won't get me very far. I don't know how, or why, but he talks me into meeting him for lunch. To explain to me why a lesbian needs a man.
He offers up that his wife is a lesbian, or was before she met him. But now, she's satisfied with her role as a woman for a man, a wife, a mother and all that. What about me? Did I want to be a mother? I needed a man, right? Did I want a home? Who was going to provide that, a man, right? What about the dark of night, didn't I think a man would protect me? And what about a name? Was I going to spend my life with my maiden name? A man could give me a new name. I told him all those things a woman can give me. He doesn't agree and we agree to disagree.
We pick this small statuette. A naked woman of course. His wife likes naked women, did I think that was normal. Well sure, I like naked women. He wants to know if I like being naked with a man, so the man could enjoy me? Well? Answer me girl. I told him I had never been naked with a man. So, he asks the loaded question, so you are a virgin? I haven't had intercourse, if that what he means.
I get the poor thing speech. I really needed a man. A man to take my virginity away. Give me a name, knock me up, put me away in a house to raise his kids, be nice to his mother. I asked him, what if I didn't need a man? He said I did, and that was that. And he knew better and I was too young to know and as far as he was concerned he would take it on himself. Pop my cherry, knock me up, hide me away in a house, change my name and all that. I didn't think. I asked him, what about his wife? Wouldn't she have something to say about that? He agreed, and told me I would have to ask her myself. If she said he could pop my cherry, knock me up, and hide me away in a house then I would agree.
His wife was very nice. And she liked the statuette I had selected for her. And yes in her youth before she got knocked up, she was a lesbian. But she couldn't support herself and so she got married instead. What he doesn't know doesn't affect him, and she had always had a girlfriend to pass the time. Oh, and it would probably be good for me to lose my virginity, get knocked up and be put in a house to raise his children. How many was I planning to have?
I have one. He wants more. He took my virginity with passion. He knocked me up with passion. Passion is when a man fucks you. It's not making love, passion is when a man fucks you. The worst thing about passion is that you want it again.
