I'm glad I came across this site.
When I was eleven I fell in love with my dad. It happened very suddenly. I didn't know anything about love in words or ideas, but I sure did in my own feelings. He was a pipe fitter and traveled a lot to job sites. He came home from two weeks away and when he came in the door I suddenly felt my insides wanting him.
This was before I started my periods but I was starting to develop. That day my nipples were very sensitive and my feelings of sex were boiling up inside of me. When he came home I just wanted him to take me right there in the kitchen, not knowing exactly what that meant but it didn't matter. It was a feeling, stronger than anything in my previous experience. My mom was right there too, but I didn't care. I secretly wanted him to take me sexually even if she was there. Of course that didn't happen. He would never have done such a thing.
Later that evening I was doing chores. I was putting clothes in the washer for my mom. His clothes from the job site were in pile, which we always washed separately because his outer things were dirtier than out normal clothes. But we always threw his underwear right in with normal clothes, so I pulled that stuff out of his work clothes pile. The smell of his tee shirts had the same effect as seeing him walk in the door. My insides boiled up into a terrible want. My little breasts wanted to push out through the fabric of my shirt. It was like a buzzing in my nipples. They were so sensitive.
I took one of his tees and kept it. I hid it down behind my pillow. That night I masturbated over and over while his tee was covering my face. I just couldn't get enough of him. I could hear some of the sounds of my parents having sex in their bedroom. I was very jealous and lonely. I must have finally gone to sleep in the wee hours. The next morning I asked to stay home and my mom said I could. She went off to her job as a nurse at the hospital. Dad slept in before getting ready to go off to the union hall to see if any other jobs had come up. We had breakfast together. I suddenly felt so ashamed of my feelings for my own dad. I started crying and he held me in his lap. We were like that for a good half hour. He said he was sorry for always being away and would try to find more work closer to home.
After he left for the union hall, I retrieved the tee from my bedroom. I took off my clothes and sat in his favorite chair and had the tee over my face as I played with myself until I wore myself out. My sex got very sore. When mom came home I told her about being sore. Being a nurse she made me show her while I was lying on my bed. I was totally embarrassed and blushing. She examined me a little and then she saw the tee sticking out from under the pillow and pulled it out. She knew right away it was dad's. She sniffed it and looked at me very seriously and asked me what I had been doing with his dirty shirt. By this time my face was scarlet and I could not answer. She was very quiet. Then she disappeared to her bathroom. A minute later she came back with a little bottle and told me that whenever I wanted to touch myself for pleasure I should use a few drops at the beginning. I wouldn't get so sore. She smiled at me and gave me a hug. She tickled me to make me laugh. We have never talked about it since.
I'm a grown woman now and have a normal boyfriend relationship . But I'm still secretly in love with my dad. And I accepted a long time ago that he belongs to mom.
I never thought I would tell anyone about this. It just is.
